the hardest thing for me
is just accepting that
all the people that i love (the most)
are living lives i'll never see
it's not about control, no; i have no intention of planning their lives out for them.
it's not about superiority either
what it is, though, is that i'm afraid that something's going to happen that i "just had to be there" to understand, and no story will do it justice. it can't be repeated the same way.
and, in my absence, i cannot say what might happen on any given day
if i'm not there to hear every single joke, every laugh
and tell every one of my friends a new story about my brother
-
when i go back to where i always used to be,
i can't even call it my home! the people who made it "home" are absent as well!
it's a completely different place.
it almost feels like i'm in a haunted house.
because with everyone gone, every day lasts too long.
i just sit around thinking about what i could be doing.
-
every time i try to leave, i get this weird feeling, and a wispy voice floats around me and warns me: "you're wasting all your best years"
and i have to respond so, i say
"well, if that's true, i'm sorry. there are certain things that just aren't up to me-"
and before i can finish, the voice shouts
"that's not true! you're lying"
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