all the people that i love the most
holding hands and keeping close
standing near a big black hole
trying not to feel alone
and all the people that i love the most
wearing all their favorite clothes
doing things that i don't know
make me feel alone
when i scream out loud, i know for sure
that all i am is nothing more
than everyone i've ever loved
rolled up neatly into one
(a bright flash, and we're brought to a different time and place, high up in a tall building)
right outside an open door
my face looks blank but i'm filled with much more feeling than one would assume
i knock, there's a response and with it an instant change
and i didn't need to say one word. not one word at all.
all the people that i love the most
Track Name: Spiderweb
i was wearing your favorite shirt
(it's not your shirt. it's mine. however, when i bought it, i had every intention of you seeing me wearing it. i mean, look at the color, it's obvious)
you had a pretty dress strapped to you
it was deep blue, and at the bottom it shot out and almost looked like a parachute. in fact, if we were to have jumped of the same rock at the same time, i'm sure you would stay hanging up in the air for a few seconds after i touched the ground)
it's not the way it never seems to change
and it's not the colors smeared on our face
no. it's all of my best friends in the same place for once
it's a part of me that won't leave, ever.
it's like walking into spider web.
it's like sleeping in your own bed.
it's like when you know you have to go home.
it's like planning what you're wearing.
it's like catching someone staring (but you just keep looking at each other).
it's like the time you said "every evil starts in a bed" (and i had to agree).
yes, it's like walking into spiderweb.
Track Name: Return to Form
invited to your house
(not your home, just the place where you sleep. there's a difference)
i was scared to go alone since it had been so long since i had seen you
i didn't know what would happen, so i walked slow the whole way
sometimes, it's no good (this is a lyric stolen from the song "perfect shot" by lync... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xe_2NMeu5M )
when you said "it's ok!"
i assumed you were joking.
i'm not sure why i thought i knew since i couldn't even look at you and judge the situation in that way.
"i'm not ok with this!" i cried out, both of my fists clenched into themselves
and then, floating up in the air, i was able to feel everything at once. but i was still close enough to hear you exhale
we returned to form and warmed out hands and stayed up late and saw each other
but, there's no end, because bad feelings stick around sometimes
though, often when i'm alone with you, i can almost forget.
later on, you had to leave (you had a weird shift at work, really late. I walked you over, and I knew you'd be there all night.)
you asked me to stay awake to come get you once it was over, and of course, I agreed to.
I went back to your room, sat in your bed and watched the first episode of twin peaks.
i fell asleep too early.
i had a dream, and at the end, i died, but i just woke right up and didn't say anything. because
it's good to be scared
it's good to be afraid
and above all,
it's good to be aware of all the choices you've made. every single one
we returned to form.
Track Name: Absence
the hardest thing for me
is just accepting that
all the people that i love (the most)
are living lives i'll never see
it's not about control, no; i have no intention of planning their lives out for them.
it's not about superiority either
what it is, though, is that i'm afraid that something's going to happen that i "just had to be there" to understand, and no story will do it justice. it can't be repeated the same way.
and, in my absence, i cannot say what might happen on any given day
if i'm not there to hear every single joke, every laugh
and tell every one of my friends a new story about my brother
when i go back to where i always used to be,
i can't even call it my home! the people who made it "home" are absent as well!
it's a completely different place.
it almost feels like i'm in a haunted house.
because with everyone gone, every day lasts too long.
i just sit around thinking about what i could be doing.
every time i try to leave, i get this weird feeling, and a wispy voice floats around me and warns me: "you're wasting all your best years"
and i have to respond so, i say
"well, if that's true, i'm sorry. there are certain things that just aren't up to me-"
and before i can finish, the voice shouts
"that's not true! you're lying"